Do sex and orgasm go together like peanut butter and chocolate? There’s no denying that both do taste great together (unless you are allergic to peanuts). But you could easily have one without the other. So much has been written and said about the female orgasm that it’s natural to want one all the time. That wasn’t always the case. According to a popular UK website NetDoctor.co.uk, women didn’t have climaxes and a lot of them weren’t bothered about it till a few generations ago. Of course, it’s likely that a lot of them didn’t actually know what an orgasm was.
And some doctors claimed that for a huge proportion of women, it was ‘normal’ to have no experience of orgasm. Indeed, as late as the 1970s there were still some who maintained that the female orgasm didn’t exist — and was simply a myth made up by the media. So does that mean a woman can have a good time without having an orgasm?
Yes. That’s because sex, with or without an orgasm, is intimacy. Closeness. Sex can make you feel dominant, passionate, in love, in lust, ravenous, happy. But it doesn’t have to be punctuated with an orgasm. In fact, if you stress so much about coming, that may just be what’s keeping you from having an orgasm.
When you feel closer to him...And believe it or not, some women, some of the time, are satisfied with non-orgasmic sex. Theatre artist Nova Nair, 32, agrees. “My husband and I enjoy a great sex life. I am perfectly capable of having multiple orgasms on some days. But once in a while, if I don’t, it doesn’t negate the pleasure. I am making love to someone I am emotionally, physically and spiritually connected with. And that’s what matters.”
“Orgasm is not the pinnacle for all women,” believes psychologist Dennis Sugrue, former president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. “The usual model suggests that if the orgasm doesn’t occur, somehow the sexual experience gets derailed. I don’t think this does us service in terms of understanding women and their sexuality.”
Whatever gives you pleasureIn fact, many women tend to want intimacy and a sense of connection just as much as an orgasm or even more so. “That is very true,” wrote sex researcher Beverly Whipple in her book The Science Of Orgasm. “You have to remember that whatever is pleasurable and satisfying can be an end in itself.”
Dr Mahinder Watsa, sex expert, adds, “It’s great when a woman can orgasm, but that does not define the sexual experience.” A woman can totally enjoy sex whether she has an orgasm or not, when combined with the right level of intimacy. “Many women even prefer foreplay to actual sex and orgasm because for some women, kissing, hugging and caressing are more satisfying,” adds Dr Watsa. “If you combine these acts of affection with slow and steady penetration, most women will be perfectly content at the end of the lovemaking session.”
AnticlimacticIn a report published in New Scientist, evolutionary biologists admit that the female orgasm is a puzzle. It’s unclear why women should have orgasms at all. The report cited that it’s particularly baffling that so many women should be unable to have orgasms during penetrative sex, but able to have them by masturbation. According to researcher Elisabeth Lloyd, this implies that female orgasms are an evolutionary accident. Like male nipples, they persist simply because there is no good reason to get rid of them.
And some doctors claimed that for a huge proportion of women, it was ‘normal’ to have no experience of orgasm. Indeed, as late as the 1970s there were still some who maintained that the female orgasm didn’t exist — and was simply a myth made up by the media. So does that mean a woman can have a good time without having an orgasm?
Yes. That’s because sex, with or without an orgasm, is intimacy. Closeness. Sex can make you feel dominant, passionate, in love, in lust, ravenous, happy. But it doesn’t have to be punctuated with an orgasm. In fact, if you stress so much about coming, that may just be what’s keeping you from having an orgasm.
When you feel closer to him...And believe it or not, some women, some of the time, are satisfied with non-orgasmic sex. Theatre artist Nova Nair, 32, agrees. “My husband and I enjoy a great sex life. I am perfectly capable of having multiple orgasms on some days. But once in a while, if I don’t, it doesn’t negate the pleasure. I am making love to someone I am emotionally, physically and spiritually connected with. And that’s what matters.”
“Orgasm is not the pinnacle for all women,” believes psychologist Dennis Sugrue, former president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. “The usual model suggests that if the orgasm doesn’t occur, somehow the sexual experience gets derailed. I don’t think this does us service in terms of understanding women and their sexuality.”
Whatever gives you pleasureIn fact, many women tend to want intimacy and a sense of connection just as much as an orgasm or even more so. “That is very true,” wrote sex researcher Beverly Whipple in her book The Science Of Orgasm. “You have to remember that whatever is pleasurable and satisfying can be an end in itself.”
Dr Mahinder Watsa, sex expert, adds, “It’s great when a woman can orgasm, but that does not define the sexual experience.” A woman can totally enjoy sex whether she has an orgasm or not, when combined with the right level of intimacy. “Many women even prefer foreplay to actual sex and orgasm because for some women, kissing, hugging and caressing are more satisfying,” adds Dr Watsa. “If you combine these acts of affection with slow and steady penetration, most women will be perfectly content at the end of the lovemaking session.”
AnticlimacticIn a report published in New Scientist, evolutionary biologists admit that the female orgasm is a puzzle. It’s unclear why women should have orgasms at all. The report cited that it’s particularly baffling that so many women should be unable to have orgasms during penetrative sex, but able to have them by masturbation. According to researcher Elisabeth Lloyd, this implies that female orgasms are an evolutionary accident. Like male nipples, they persist simply because there is no good reason to get rid of them.
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