Monday, November 8, 2010

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After dating Ketki for five years, Rahul finally asked her to marry him. Now Ketki is nervous about meeting his parents. "I want to make a good first impression. Help!" she says.

We can't blame her for feeling that way. After all, his parents are going to size her up as soon as she walks through that door. One tiny slip while meeting the in-laws to be can take years to correct. So here are some tips that will help you win them over.

Dress right
They will judge you by the way you look, so dress conservatively. That means no strappy tops or cleavage poppers. Preferably wear an Indian outfit, but ask your man just how traditional they expect you to be. "I thought a long kurti with jeans was formal enough. But his mother was annoyed that I wasn't wearing a sari," says Anita Agarwal, a 26-year-old translator.

Peace offering
Getting them a gift is good manners that can win you brownie points. "The mangoes I took with me helped calm his mom after the clothes disaster," says Anita. Dry fruits, imported chocolates and mithai are appreciated by everyone.

Don't get too close

Don't get too cosy with your boyfriend around his parents. Even if they seem liberal, you don't know where they draw the line. "I'm a very touchy-feely person. But I kept my hands to myself when I met his parents. I didn't want them to get the wrong idea about me," says Natasha Rodrigues, a 28-year-old HR executive.

Common ground
Work on communicating with them. "My boyfriend's mother only speaks Marathi but understands Hindi. I learnt some Marathi phrases that I used in the conversation; she was impressed," adds Anita. Talk to your boyfriend about his parents' likes and dislikes. Finding something to talk about will keep those uncomfortable silent moments at bay.

Flatter 'em
Throw in casual compliments about the house or the outfit his mother is wearing. But remember not to overdo it. "I complimented my mother-in law on the wonderful job she had done bringing up her son!" says 26-year-old Sheela Anjum with her tongue firmly in her cheek.

Go old school

Act like the traditional good bahu. It can be tedious at times, but you want them to like you, right? Helping around the house works wonders; if you are at his place, ask his mom if she needs any help.

Watch it!
Drink only if they force you to or if the other women of the family are drinking, but down only one glass. "Leave that cigarette pack at home. Even open-minded parents will not approve of a daughter-in-law who smokes," says Natasha.

At the end of the day, don't try to be someone you're not. His parents need to know the real you if they are to like you for who you are.

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