Time to see a sex therapist!

Knowing when to consult a sex therapist can make or break your sex life, and probably your relationship. We list the signs you must look out for

Given the hush-hush attitude that many people harbour towards sex, its not surprising that approaching a therapist for sexual issues is seen the last resort. In fact, it's even considered unimportant. The result —frustration and strain on marital life. Here are the warning signs.

Why procrastinate

Guilt: Most people are taught to look down upon sexual desire as something shameful, vulgar and condemnable. Those who consciously suppress their sexual desire and refrain from sex are respected and often glorified. A young man feels guilty if he feels sexually aroused looking at a beautiful woman. A woman too, condemns herself for experiencing a normal sexual urge. In some cases, husbands even look down upon their wives for their expression of sexual urge! This attitude prevents people from seeing a therapist.

Quacks: Sadly, the city is full of quacks who pose as sex specialists. In most cases, these people are unqualified. With no proper medical degree, they propagate myths such as masturbation is harmful or nightfall is a disease. Understand that qualified medical practitioners are not legally allowed to publish or display any advertisement. Before visiting those so-called specialists, who put up big claims, remember to do a cross check. Compared to other specialists, qualified sex therapists are less in number. This lack of availability worsens the problem.

Not knowing when to consult: The third reason why people either hesitate or completely avoid consulting a sex therapist is due to a lack of clarity about when to consult. Women prefer visiting a gynecologist whenever they have complaints related to their genitals. However, sexual problems are often emotional, psychological or even relational in origin, and don't always fall under the ambit of a gynecologist's expertise. Clinical psychologists and counsellors on the other hand, have a psychology background and may not be able to provide sex therapy like a qualified doctor.

Consult a sex therapist when

Dealing with attitudinal issues: Often, the man or woman needs to deal with attitudinal issues regarding his or her own, or the partner's role in the act. For instance, who should make the first move, what is the correct technique and duration of foreplay, the correct frequency of intercourse, when and where intercourse should be performed, who is supposed to be the active partner, etc.

Having perverted urges: Be it boredom or the need to experiment, men or women often engage in perverted sexual behaviour. If not dealt with properly, the urge can cause harm.

Unable to penetrate, perform: When a man is unable to penetrate during sex with a willing partner, it calls for a detailed investigation of the problem.

Unable to reach orgasm: A woman's orgasm is probably the most befuddling of all topics. Consulting a sex therapist is advised if the woman is unable to experience orgasm during willing sexual encounters with a loving partner, in spite of active participation.

Getting married: It is amazing how much individuals often learn out of premarital counselling, as they deal with relationships at various levels.

About sexual orientation: Rather than grappling with guilt and confusion, and letting the perplexity affect you, it is better to visit a sex therapist. Not to forget, there are many grey areas of sexuality such as bi-curious and homocurious.