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	Dealing with a Meddling Mother-in-law You may be staying with your in-laws, or not. But mom's-in-law are never easy to please....

You may be staying with your in-laws, or not. But mom's-in-law are never easy to please. Especially if she has an opinion on everything you do. Here's how you can keep peace with a mother-in-law who is meddlesome.
Ignore small differences
Ignoring petty differences can help strengthen the bond, says actress Lataa Sabharwal who married actor Sanjeev Seth. "I feel fortunate to have an understanding and educated mother-in law. She supports me completely and knows the dynamics, as she herself was a teacher. It's not that everything between us is smooth as we too have differences of opinions, but we always try to reach a solution. We do not seem to reach a consensus over my apparels, but then she never forces me to wear something of her choice rather just advises me. My husband Sanjeev has never been biased and stands for the one who is right."
   
Lataa's mother-in-law, Aruna Seth, feels that a girl needs time to get acclimatised to the new atmosphere and periphery. "Because they come from a different set-up, they resist to change initially," she says. According to her, the first three years of a marriage are important to lay a foundation and cement the relationship. This can be also termed as the adjustment period.
   
Relationship therapist Rachna Kothari explains this relationship, "A daughter-inlaw usually thinks of a mother-in-law as one who is ruling the house with an iron hand and disturbing the peace. And a mother-in-law thinks of a daughter-in-law as one who is always wrong in everything she does, waiting to grab every single opportunity to preach and correct her. Any friction or problem between the mother-in-law and daughter-inlaw usually stems from expectations, either realistic or unrealistic." She adds, "A mother-in-law's constant nagging can leave a daughter-in-law frustrated and she might then resort to revolt. If her husband does not support her, it can create a rift between the couple. This can lead to a general relationship dysfunction, affecting emotional stability, which can percolate into other spheres of marriage like intimacy, children finance, etc. Two different identities of two different ideologies fight each other to gain control over one man. They crush this man in their scuffles."

Make your bond stronger
Change your attitude. Don't think about your mother-in-law as the 'vamp' in your life. Don't make small things a big issue. Sometimes small things can lead to big problems. Focus on the positive qualities of each other. Be polite and respect each other. Avoid playing the blame game and saying nasty things about each other. Don't criticise each other in front of family, spouse and relatives. Give gifts. Give your mother-inlaw a gift for no other reason than to let her know she counts in your life. A gift shows you care. Clarify misunderstandings. Be assertive. Be clear about what you are fine with and what you are not. Do it politely, firmly and repeatedly. Give each other space. Be on the same side. You both love and care about the same man. Don't compete with each other for him. Remember that both of you are equally important for him.