You keep getting these ‘Hottest’, ‘Sexiest’ awards and now do hot item numbers, too, while asserting that you’re the frumpiest among your sisters...
On screen, obviously, I do work to look glamorous, that is my job. But I don’t go to bed like that. I see some women walking in for a dinner with coordinated watches, handbags, shoes, and they’re stunning... and I’m like, how do they do that because if I have to go out like this, my outfit would be probably all of five thousand rupees. I’m not one of those naturally stylish people. I’m basic and I don’t honestly believe that all that adds to your attraction. And the other reason why it will never be part of me is because while growing up, I never felt attractive at all. I never got any attention in school. I don’t know why. I came here when I was 18, so before that... 17, 16, 15... the normal years when girls in college are having fun, not that I was trying to be a goody-goody girl, boys were just not interested in me. I was not that popular or beautiful a girl. So those basic feelings are too deeprooted in me.
You speak about how you think because of your growing up experiences, but don’t speak about what your growing up was like...
It’s because my growing up was too complex! It’d take 10 articles and probably a book to discuss that. It’s just that our family has one of the most interesting lives, due to the one simple fact that my mother, at a very young age, decided that she wanted to dedicate her life to social causes. And the organizations she worked with are in countries that are currently in what you would call... a state of dire need. So our transitions in growing up were from Hong Kong where I was born, to China, then to Japan, and from Japan by boat to France. That’s one of the few clear memories I have as a child because on that boat ride, everyone was sick except me.
After France, Switzerland and I’m cutting out many East European countries where we were for only a few months each. Then Poland. Since I’ve seen so many huge drastic things, my mind has become a little bit like, there are sections, and I rarely tap into those sections because there is too much information to comprehend. After that we went to Belgium, then to Hawaii, which was a short time, and then came to London, and then we were there for about three years. But because my mother is originally from Bath, which is in the UK, people always have this thing that I grew up in London.
In Poland, at eight, you would have hardly dreamt that at 18 you would be shooting for a movie in Mumbai...See, this is what I mean. If I am now going to sit and think about this, too many things will come flooding into my head, and you can be overwhelmed by that. So I try not to analyse it too much. On a generic level, I am very very grateful for all that I have achieved. From where I come, not growing up in any kind of luxury, or a life with much security. I wanted to have security for myself, for our whole family, and these were the things I wanted to get, and I have. Life has patterns, I’ve noticed. There will be phases of extreme happiness, there will be months of extreme work and they’ll just go by without you even realizing that you worked 12 hours every day, and there will be phases when your mind will be just be coping.
What state are you in right now...?
Now I’m in a kind of a funny, mixed phase. I’ve come to terms with a few things. And those things are that I don’t have the answers right now to a lot of things in my life. For most of this year I’ve been struggling and asking myself, how can I be this person who doesn’t have the answers.
But I have that much trust in God. I do believe that there is the hand that is guiding me and protecting me, for lack of a better word. I am able to see how the last five years in this industry have been. In the midst of all my turmoil and the battling with myself and the stress, I find a little time to sit back and say, even if it’s not all there tomorrow, I did see something pretty amazing.
A lot of actresses give those I don’t have time for a personal life, I am only focusing on work for the next few years type of quotes over and over again. How real is that...?I think 80% of the people who are saying that, for them it’s true. It happens without you noticing. You sit down with a calendar and this is how it goes... this date has to be given to this brand, that date has to be given to that brand, these 20 days have to be given to this film. And then there are these three shows, and these shows represent an enormous amount of money, and as we don’t do films that we don’t believe in for the sake of money, we also need to secure ourselves financially, so these shows are important. And so you have this half an hour meeting with your manager, and you have no days off. It’s as simple as that! That month, in that half an hour meeting, is gone.
There will be enough people saying that you can balance your personal life while doing all this, and I suppose you can, but it takes a very strong connection between two people and a very strong determination to make it work.
Is it all work and drudgery, then...?
It took me a few years to start enjoying my work. I’d thought I’d achieved everything I could in modeling. Then I turned to films, as a challenge. I had no knowledge, no burning ambition that I have to become this successful actress. Not that I could not see myself succeeding, but something like this where I am today was just not on my horizon. I was like I don’t know anything about filmmaking. I had to learn everything step by step. Now there’s nothing I don’t understand. It’s now that I’ve started to enjoy my work, to love the art of what I’m doing, rather than just being up at 7 o’clock, at the sets with my makeup and a nice costume.
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